Faith Freed has written two wonderful books about taking care of yourself. Her DIY spirituality book, IS, invited readers to seek our own paths in our own quirky, open-hearted ways. Her new book, Starting Therapy A Guide to Getting Ready, Feeling Informed, and Gaining the Most from Your Sessions is exactly the book I needed back when starting therapy seemed daunting and mysterious.

A licensed psychotherapist (LMFT), Faith brings over a decade of experience in the San Francisco Bay Area and two advanced degrees to her new private practice in downtown Santa Barbara. She collaborates with clients to know themselves better, improve their relationships, and reveal game-changing insights. Her specialties include personal growth, creativity, love, spirituality, anxiety, and EMDR.  

Tell us about how you write.
For me, the process of writing is a conversation between parts of myself; the part that knows what needs doing and the part that needs to be coaxed, bribed and conned into doing it. My writer part is pretty avoidant, with the temperament of a toddler. If it won’t perform, we negotiate. We decide pretty places to take the laptop, perks like smoothies and pots of tea, and maybe a pedicure if the deadline is met. 

Prolonged writing periods usually surprise me. Strategies that tend to get the job done include: 1. Commit to showing up for even a tiny length of time—say, 5 minutes of writing. A do-able minimum inevitably leads to more. Sometimes much more. 2. Allow a first draft to be super shitty.  When there’s no expectation that it’ll come out right the first time, it’s a lot easier to start. If editing is a given, then the beginning is just a rough (ugly rough) draft. It’s amazing what writers can build from starting “wrong.” 3. Be kind. My writer part is incredibly difficult. Finicky, sensitive, needy, and yet, when I work with her, giving her what she requires to feel comfortable, safe and cherished, she comes through.

What do writing and sex have in common? 
Writing and sex are both seductive, mysterious, intoxicating and potentially euphoric. The ability to lose oneself and become one with the experience are inherent in both—that blissful state of presence, immersion, or FLOW might be achieved either way. 

However, both endeavors are likely to come with some difficulty: fear of commitment, ongoing edits and performance anxiety. There’s also a deep intimacy involved in writing as in sex that calls for guarding secrets and sacred protection. Over-exposure before it’s time can be soul crushing, either way. 

Good lovers and good writers have integrity, yet they know when to be naughty to make you feel nice. They also face the big question of what comes next, after a powerful encounter. Best case, if a writer or a partner has a peak experience, you’re left with a big question. (SFX: Heavy D and the Boyz sing, “Now that we found love, what are we gonna do with it?”)

One difference, among many, is that you can have a one night stand with a legal pad and toss the pages in the recycling bin the next day. A writer has an easier time of it if they just want to toss the whole dramatic story and move on. 

Do you have a writing hero?
I really admire Dr. Seuss. So much imagination. So much alliteration. So much inspiration. The pithy, poetic phrases and irreverent, inventive illustrations. If I could write like him, the page would never be grim. Dr. Seuss was able to educate, elevate and illuminate in the most playful way of ways. Simplicity was his genius. Accessibility too. 

If I had one wish to wish, it would not be a red fish or a blue fish. It would be to be free--free to write like that-ish. Enough with the pretense, the prequels and the posts. Dr. Seuss is the writer I love the most. Sam, I am not. Fan, fan I am.

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I coax sexy writers like  Faith Freed to reveal their creative secrets and processes in writer interviews to inspire you:

• Read more of Faith’s work on her website.

• Buy Starting Therapy.

• Read my GoodReads reviews of Faith’s books, Starting Therapy and IS.

Feeling inspired? Book a private session with me, The Sexy Grammarian. You always leave private sessions with homework and inspiration, and the first session is always free.